As good as it gets

Today I saw a guy talking with this girl he had just met in the train station. It was a little annoying because the guy just kept on blabbing on about his life. I swear, in the 30 minutes that I was sitting there he had told the poor girl his entire life story.

This wouldn't be the first time I have seen this happen. In fact, I have seen it happen multiple times and I am sure I have been the culprit of doing it myself.

The thing about it is, at least for me, I just feel like I want people to know me. And when I say that, I mean actually understand the core of my being.

An old teacher of mine once told me about a concept that is very true, just not always thought about. He said that nobody will ever know what you are thinking or how you think. And the simple reason for this is that nobody except for you can hear you thinking.

This means we are all alone in our thoughts and dreams. No matter how hard we try to make others understand us, nobody but ourselves will truly understand who we are.

We are alone in this aspect, and it can be a bit frightening at times.

I think this is why people get into writing or some form of art. It's an attempt to show the world who they are. Who they really are. But no matter how hard we try, we can never fully express ourselves. Which is also a bit depressing.

I have always been big on writing. I wrote a lot of poetry and short stories in high school, and I got pretty damned good at it too. But no matter how hard I tried, getting my true feelings out on paper never really seemed to work.

No matter how great of a poem or a short story I could write, I was never fully satisfied. All of my writing was always missing something. Which always lead people to believe I was a perfectionist.

Many artists are thought to be perfectionists, however I understand exactly what it is they are going through when they critique their own work so harshly. It's just not it. It's not the fully expression of their thoughts and their core being that they were trying to express. And this is something that can very easily lead a man towards insanity. Attempting to achieve such a high reward is an unbearable task.

Anyways, that's just my two cents for the day.

That's why I think people are so ready to give up their life stories to strangers. They want to be understood. It's more then just the story they are trying to tell you. They are trying to give you an insight on their core being. Pretty intense.

And completely understandable for those of us who are looking for serious relationships.

I mean, what better way to scare someone off who isn't completely perfect for you then to tell them about all of your near death experiences and your childhood imaginary friends?

Concerts

Alright, I just read over my last post and that felt really good to say! Also, I drank a shit load of coffee a couple hours ago which was probably not a good idea!

So in this post I just wanted to say I doubt I will keep up with this blog...

I mean I really hope I do, because I think it will be good for me. But knowing me I probably won't because my brain will say "it's not necessary, go stress yourself out more. That's what is good for you!" And I will say "Yes, master."

But if I do. That'll be awesome. And I will try my very bestest!

Soooo since I started this post, I guess it's time to say more sh*t.

I haven't been to a concert in a while. THIS IS DEPRESSING!

I love concerts... I mean... I LOVE them! And it's weird how concerts and I work together.

You see, I normally don't like hardcore rip-your-face-off-with-sound music. I am a Jazon Mraz, Jack Johnson kind of guy. Hell, I love pop punk! That shit is my jam! If pop punk was still alive and they played some good ol' Blink 182 or Sum 41 at a club I would OPEN THAT PIT UP.

Anyways, the thing about concerts is that I have the most fun listening to "rip-your-face-off-with-sound" music at concerts. I mean seriously... Shit goes down in those pits.

If you haven't been to one of these concerts, I highly suggest them. But maybe nothing too insane. Even I won't go to some concerts simply because of the stories I hear about them. Most of those stories have a lot of blood in them and I am not willing to bleed for music! That is NOT entertaining to me. Bleeding hurts!

Luckily, I have two concerts I will be going to in April. One is a Say Anything concert! (Pop punk! It's still a little alive! At least enough to poke it with a stick!)

And the other is... Ready for it?

Counting Crows

Yeah... after that whole rant about hardcore concerts being my favorite to go to, I tell you that NEITHER of the concerts I am going to are hardcore in any form of the word.

Morale of the story: I do not doubt these concerts will be fantastic! But I need my fill of circle pits!

First Post! ZOMG Cheeze Balls BLAH!

So I really didn't want to make a blog with my name in it. I was hoping to stay as anonymous as possible, but it looks like that won't be happening. Oh well.

I won't go into detail why the blog is called what it is. Or why I am being so lazy as to not make a brand new one. It's just gonna happen. I'm lazy.

Okay, so I am gonna treat this blog as a place to vent about whatever is on my mind. And there is a lot. I kind of think it's important that I do this from a psychological standpoint. I mean, I don't think I will become some kind of sadistic asshole who goes around shooting up my school if I don't. (Don't ask why I made the comparison. I'm weird. For some reason the first thing that came to my mind when I said "I NEED THIS!" was a vision of those kids who show up to class with AK-47's.)

Anyways, I'm just so stressed out all of the time and I have ALL OF THESE EMOTIONS!

SO MANY!! BLAAAH!

So they are going here from now on. Just 'cause. So I can get them off of my chest without running my mouth dry to my friends and family. Because I feel like I am an annoying bitch when I do that. (And being a bitch is worse when you are a guy. At least in my opinion.)

So here are a few warnings.

1. Take what I say lightly. I can be an idiot some times.

2. I might offend.

3. I will be blunt and straight with what I say.

4. I do not care what you think. I might not even read what you comment about, if anyone ever comments on this. This is more for me then for anyone else.

5. This is my place to be an asshole. So if I want to be an asshole, I WILL BE AN ASSHOLE GOD DAMMIT!

6. I don't plan on editing anything I write here.

Okay, that's enough warnings. I'm sure there are a few I left out. I will add them as I write if I think of them.

Anyways, I'm just gonna get started. HERE COME THE EMOTIONS! BLALAAHFDASKFAJELFAS.

So, I am currently in relationship limbo. I don't know what the fuck I want.

For instance, yesterday I was on hands and knees ready to chase after this girl I decided I liked a lot for the past few months.

And today, I am just completely through with relationships. Mostly because I see no point. I got out of a relationship a few months ago and it left me completely broken. I loved the girl. I think. I'm pretty sure, maybe I am just a dumb ass.

Anyways, I felt so good in the relationship. I felt like I was set. I had no plans to break up and I felt pretty safe about her not feeling like she wanted to break up either. Well that was obviously false.

So it's been about 3 months. I can safely say that I am over her. But whenever I am on Facebook and I see someone likes a comment she put on their wall or she is in someone's profile picture it's like my entire insides burn up. It's not a good feeling.

SO I got to thinking. "What's the point of relationships if they just leave you feeling this way?" Because honestly it feels like torture. I mostly blame Facebook for this whole problem, but there is really not much I can do about it. I have my Game Studio I have to keep in touch with over Facebook and it has become the hub of social interaction. So if I don't have a Facebook I will feel pretty left out. Cut off, even.

So, as of right now, I do not like the idea of relationships. Although, that will probably change really fast...